84 Years Old and Pregnant at Myrtle Beach

I'll have to make a new category for this one, y'all. I'll have to call it "Trixie's Believe it or Not."

Look at that picture over there on the left of those two young people from a place called the Ivory Coast of Africa who are traveling and exhibiting themselves all over the world and lately at Ripley's Believe it or Not in Myrtle Beach, SC.

Now, y'all prepare yourself for a shock.

Evidently there are in this world 2,000 fool women who claim they got pregnant after they rubbed that naked man with his ding dong a-dangling and that woman with petrified chocolate kissies for titties.

Now, the women who think rubbing those two got them pregnant have s*it for brains and I'll worry nary a hair nor waste a prayer on them. It's that young couple I'm worried about. They look so stiff and out of place. I think they'd make a right cute couple if they'd loosen up a little bit and try to blend in with the rest of the young people.

Anyhow, the story is those two are traveling the world and stopping off at museums and exhibiting themselves naked for a price, claiming that by rubbing them a woman can get pregnant, and all I can say to that is does nobody have any shame anymore and what a creative way to make do when times are bad, and if my tummy was as tight and my titties as taut as that gal's, I might fly all over the world, letting people rub all over me, too, if I thought it would earn me enough money to get my tires rotated and keep me from having to borrow from the Walmart greeter to pay my tithe.

Now, I have lived a long while, long enough to know that it is nature's way that for a woman to get pregnant somebody--two somebodies and one of them a man--have got to do some rubbing, and I've heard tell that the southeast coast cesspool of sin, Myrtle Beach, is one of the top knock-up capitals of the continent.

So, I figure those two are making false claims, but what would it hurt even an 84-year-old woman to play along, pitch them a few coins, give them a good feel, and see what happens? And you never know: Abraham in the Bible, was it his wife--one of his wives, they say he had a houseful--who was in her mid-nine hundreds when she had her first?

I've always told my own kids if I could start over I'd raise them up another way than what I did, knock some sense into their heads early on, for one thing. And now, some 35 years after my female organs have dried up like leather britches beans, maybe I've got another chance. You don't know.

Maybe I'll hitch a ride down to Myrtle Beach with a busload of Baptists and in a few months' time some of y'all will be throwing me a little baby shower at the Methodist Home. More peculiar things than that have happened.