Get out my flyswat!
This latest development is enough to cause me to give up trying to keep you chickens of mine in the coop!
("Chickens" is what I call the younguns who do what the Google people call "follow" me on this blog thing, and I love those chickens every one, even though every one of them but Amanda and O'Clara are in it for the prospect of inheriting my last dollar, should my last dime ever reach that lofty height.)
I have tried to set a good example for all of y'all, and now here's what one of my prize chickens, Creative Hook, (offspring of the Captain) has created with her own wicked little hand: a little man doing something ugly with his middle finger.
And if that's not bad enough, she named the little man Shiddy!
She calls him "a nasty little creature chrocheted in colors of nausea: pissed-off purple, pus green, and vile yellow. He's the dark force that lies deep within the hearts of all of us!" she says. "Having a bad day? Show the world your Shiddy attitude! It's a great way to say 'up yours' to people who deserve it."
I ask you all: Is that not awful?
I'm so weighed down with shame, I'm wandering through the house right now looking for a wall to hide behind.
Yet, Creative Hook is one of my chickens, one of those whose name is missing from the shid list I keep on the back of the envelope my Duke power bill comes in, and I therefore must also inform you that she also has the prettiest little things for sale, scarves and pocketbooks and hats perched on the prettiest little heads--make sure she throws in the head with the purchase of a hat. And you can see it all right here, including what Creative Hook calls a new, improved Shiddy, complete with a tail and a belly buttom: http://www.etsy.com/view_transaction.php?transaction_id=8153377
And to add to my woes: Amanda left her head in the pantry today and has not yet wrote to inform me if she found it.
And furthermore, Arlene Nix, Missy Hager, and Sarah Owens, who have not paid me a bit of mind for months, plus Ellen McLaughlin and Vicki Hughes who have yet to write a word, be sure your sin will find you out because the Devil comes lookin' for that envelope where I keep score and list all my bitter grudges.
And if you would redeem yourselves, write now and then go forth and spread the word to all the other infidels.